Survivor: Pearl Islands

Eye of the Tiger 09.19.03

Survivor started its new season and while I generally roll my eyes at people who watch Survivor and make Survivor blogs, I'll be watching it and (for now) writing the blog.

I'm a Survivor Contestant... Get Me Out Of Here! 09.29.03

This week on [interminable pause] Survivor the Burnett/Probst Axis of Evil adds more twists, and Osten spends a lot of time humming "Sloop John B." Read all about it!

Chesty Morgan 10.09.03

Sculpted pecs notwithstanding, being directionless, stupid, whiny, and petulant continues to be a recipe for failure. But, using only his arms, Jon manages to be a giant jackass.

Eight Alliances of One 10.10.03

"I devise the strategy." "I manipulate the players." "I throw the challenges." "I vote with the Marks-A-Lot dressed up in papier-mâché." "This fall, at goarmy.com, I am an Alliance of One."

Jon's a goof, Drake nosedives, Michelle is scapegoated, and I block up for a whole week. As the man said, "There's no such thing as plumber's block." But, still, it hurts when Miss Alli beats me to press.

Pre-Merge Doldrums 10.30.03

Survivor continues to have some serious problems sustaining the intrigue. This week, the kids bicker endlessly about strategy and it amounts to basically nothing. Bring on some new twists!

Best! Challenge! Ever! 11.03.03

The tribes go from two to three. Burton's nipples go from two to one. The twist-o-meter goes from 11 to 17. And Osten goes from puss to mere memory. Welcome to Survivor, kiddies! It's on!

Worst. Merge. Ever. 11.07.03

I don't know whether to question Burnett when he seems to fumble the structure of Survivor or trust that everything will turn out okay. Fortunately, my confusion hasn't prevented CBS from continuing to air the show.

What, Me Worry? 11.14.03

The editing on Survivor has hit fever pitch, grinding the story line into an unrecognizable hash. Meanwhile, Burton catches a 1.21 jigowatt stingray, and rides to the top of the game.

Rot and Death 11.26.03

The Survivor plot thickens as yet another person I kind of would have liked to win gets eliminated. It's not that the show is less fun to watch when you don't like the contestants; it's just "different fun."

The Great "Why?!" 12.04.03

I never tried the "dog ate my homework" trick or skipped an exam with a phony family emergency. If it turns out dead grandparents can be cashed in for millions, though, I'll be practicing the nunchaku for the holidays.

Bring It On 12.13.03

Finally! The good kind of Survivor nudity! We get Darrah topless, in a bikini, and in silk PJs. Add that cheerleader outfit Christa keeps mentioning, and you'd match the Darrah paper doll set I made on my computer.