Tue, May 13, 2008

Considering the abortion that this year's Survivor columns became, I'm hesitant to reprise any past onebee favorites for fear of dragging them, Simpsons style, into a creative morass so deep it taints all memory of former greatness. However: a) I enjoy the hell out of the upfront quiz idea; and b) onebee will become a blank page if I don't post something and "lazy" is more likely to bear fruit than "good."

So here's your multiple choice quiz regarding the five new shows ABC has announced for next January (or, for two of them, this fall). The answers are at the bottom; scroll carefully if you want to preserve the surprise.

Life on Mars

A: In the vein of family melodramas like Once and Again, ABC follows a typical American family who are among the first to relocate to the new Mars habitat. Treat Williams and Jill Hennessy star. (Brandon, no need to set yourself on fire. We'll all stipulate that the cancellation of Once and Again was an unspeakable travesty.)

B: Adaptation of a BBC series about a detective who is either transported back to 1973, or in a coma dreaming about his father's former precinct in real time.

The Goode Family

A: Animated series about a family who tries to do the right thing but suffers unintended consequences. Nancy Walls and Mike Judge voice characters.

B: Claymation comedy about a family of low-level thugs who commit petty crimes but always get away with it because everyone thinks they're too "Goode" to get into trouble. John Goodman lends his voice.

Scrubs

A: Follows the increasingly unfunny inner life of an emotionally stunted new father and his unidimensional "wacky" work friends.

B: ABC scoops up NBC's former Thursday sitcom since it owns the show's production company and sees the value of padding out the DVD set.

Opportunity Knocks

A: Reality show melding Extreme Makeover: Home Edition with The Newlywed Game – families are surprised at their home, and if they can answer questions about each other, they'll win cash and prizes.

B: When a twentysomething bachelor wins a huge lottery payoff, his friends help him concoct wacky adventures to have with the money. But can he meet his one true love?

Untitled Ashton Kutcher/Tyra Banks Project

A: In the trend of "meta" shows like 30 Rock and Entourage, "Untitled Ashton Kutcher/Tyra Banks Project" will be a Being John Malkovich-style behind-the-scenes comedy about the trials of pitching and launching a sitcom built around two megastars whose popularity wildly exceeds their entertainment value.

B: A reality show/beauty pageant in which contestants encounter surprising twists and challenges, and viewers reach new depths of self-loathing.

Answers: Life on Mars: B; The Goode Family: A; Scrubs: A and B; Opportunity Knocks: A; Kutcher/Banks: B

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