Thu, May 3, 2007

I waited a long time before giving up on Lindsay Lohan; longer than most, I'm sure. In part, this had something to do with her performance in The Parent Trap – one of very few arguments in favor of remakes in recent memory. It's a very good movie and she was great in it: natural, adorable, and self-possessed without seeming precocious.

I also thought she was quite good in Mean Girls – but I honestly can't remember whether or not that came out before the trouble started. (I think the drinking/partying/smooching-with-Fez drama began while she was making Herbie: Fully Loaded.) I really wanted to overlook the wildness at first, because she seemed to be unique among the starlets-gone-skanks – she had actual talent. Her story had its familiar elements: troubled family life, extraordinary pressures involved with developing into a star and a woman in front of the world's paparazzi cameras. I was very hopeful that she'd pull through, because so many young girls idolize her and it really wouldn't hurt for them to have a positive role model in this arena.

If her publicists are to be believed, she's made great strides, cleaned up her act, and renewed her commitment to her career. And she's been the victim of obsessive tabloid fabrication and overstatement – none of her behavior was ever as bad as it's been reported. Of course, they're Hollywood publicists – by their very nature, they are not to be believed.

In actuality, the cycle shows no sign of abating. After being rammed by a few paparazzi and hanging around with Paris and Nicole, Lindsay's lifestyle continued to affect her work, and last summer – in a shot heard round the world – the head of Morgan Creek Pictures sent her a strongly worded letter demanding she clean up her act. Of course we don't know what really happened, but the behavior referenced in the letter is consistent with reports from many, including on-set sources from the making of her recent films. (Reportedly, Herbie was forced to reschedule certain shooting days because a hung-over Lindsay was too wrecked to be filmed in close-up.) After receiving the letter, Lindsay apparently shelved the diva routine and showed up for work – the resulting movie, Georgia Rule, is in theatres this month.

Which is where the story picks up for me. I TiVo'd an episode of Ellen's show this week, curious how her bedridden interview style would work out, and Lohan was her guest. Ellen likes Lindsay and gave her a fair chance to respond to the letter, but Lindsay decided to marginalize the issue rather than face the music. She laughed it off, attributing her tardiness to a "severe asthma attack," and pretended the whole thing had been exaggerated. Maybe it's too much to ask, but I had hoped for a sincere account of the pressures she deals with, the stresses and temptations that led to her partying ways, an honest response to the letter, and a sense that she's learned from the incident and improved her behavior since. She doesn't owe this to me, or to Ellen, or to any of us – but I would've respected her for it. Instead, I was forced to say goodbye to the Lindsay I loved – where once she was natural, adorable, and self-possessed, today she's insincere, vain, and refuses accountability.

Now, sure, it's petty for me to condition my love of Lindsay Lohan on whether or not she conducts herself professionally. But it's my right, just as I can become exhausted by Tom Cruise or wish an excruciating slow death upon Julianne Moore. It probably won't affect my moviegoing habits, but it might in some cases. And it should; celebrities are celebrities because of their image, and if that image stops appealing to people, it makes sense for their career to take a hit. Many in the entertainment press credit the Morgan Creek letter with giving Paramount Pictures the courage to sever its ties with Tom Cruise a few weeks later. It sounds like studios biting the hands that feed them, but in fact it's a good fight. Star salaries remain absurdly high, and the cost of making and promoting a movie continues to rise, while box office receipts stagnate or decline. And for every $X million in salary that an actor earns, there are additional costs for transportation, assistants, security, and other perks like trailers, food, and phones – plus "back end" participation which stands between the box office and the studio profits. In return for all this, stars are expected to bring fans to the theatre. If they can't, because they're poisoning the relationship with the public, shouldn't they earn a slightly smaller absurd amount of money? If they're costing the production additional money by showing up late – or not at all – on a movie set where minutes of lost time can be counted in thousands of dollars, shouldn't they be held financially responsible?

I'm no more a fan of movie studios than you are. But the system is what it is. (At least for now; maybe On the Lot and YouTube will eventually give us a studio-free model where independent filmmakers rule the roost and everyone gets what they want. Maybe.) The way the system works, as movies become more expensive to make, and harder to profit from, studios become more gun-shy about taking risks. None of us likes the focus-tested, preview-screened Hollywood pablum we've endured so much lately – but when studios are spending $100 million or more to make a movie and almost as much in marketing to distract people from the Internet and American Idol long enough to go see it, they're looking for a sure thing. By their math, that means bankable stars, established franchises, and unchallenging scripts. The costlier the stars are, the safer the movies get. So, I'm not really mad at Lindsay for being obnoxious or giving little girls a poor role model. I'm mostly mad at her for making movies worse, along with anyone else who demands perks to preserve status among her costars or requires a skyrocketing salary when he already has millions upon millions.

As much as anything, though, I'm let down by her hair color. She and Laura Prepon both went blonde about the same time a few years back, and I still can't understand it. It's too persistent to be "for a role," but why would they make that choice personally? Am I wrong – aren't redheads the sexiest and most alluring? Sure, blondes are flirty and cute (and endangered), but clearly red is the prestige choice. It's like the difference between a diamond and a pebble. Who chucks the cachet of her God-given fire-streaked tresses in favor of the bland conformity at the bottom of a peroxide bottle? I'm not just less attracted to the new Lindsay, I'm utterly befuddled by her decision-making.

And so, America continues to wait for a young actress who can navigate her way to a normal, healthy adult life. It certainly isn't easy. You could make a case for Ashley Olsen, I suppose – though she might be just outrunning her sister. If Thora Birch reappears, she's an excellent candidate. Maybe Dakota Fanning will do it, but her achievement will have an asterisk by it unless she gets considerably hotter in the next three years.

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