Wed, February 21, 2007

So far, the Survivor: Fiji experiment is turning out exactly as planned. Assuming the hypothesis put forth by Burnett et al was that:

• The "luxury" team would become lazy and complacent, immediately taking their situation for granted and lazing around gloating about it all the time.

• The "survival" team would become bitter and hostile, blaming the "luxury" team for their woes even though it was pretty much a random split. Meanwhile, they become so malnourished they can barely compete at challenges, and their fate spirals downward faster than Ulong.

Because that's what's going on, folks. For a few moments, I thought we might see Ravu eke out a win, so strong was their motivation to overcome their plight and "retaliate" upon the Moto people for thoughtlessly accepting the game's bizarre twist and living in luxury without them. (In a structure they helped build as absolutely no one will allow us to forget.) But their weakness won them over, and then they descended into petty bickering amongst themselves, eager to pass the buck of responsibility for their inevitable defeat.

My guess? Probst and Burnett have a little something up their sleeve. They're focusing far too much on Moto's decadent lolling around in hammocks (and, yes, occasionally self-amputating) and showing us just a little more satisfied grinning than they need to. I think they've got a little comeuppance twist in the wings for this team and Moto will suddenly be sorry they didn't pick up a few survival skills while they were snuggling their sofa cushions.

Then again, they also love to torture people. So maybe they'll just let this play out until someone on Ravu dies. (At least then Flo can say toldja so.)

Ravu is an interesting sociological experiment in itself, the way people are dividing up and sniping at each other as they get hungry, weak, and pissed. Everyone thinks Sylvia's too bossy. Andreamz thinks his teammates lack the proper perspective for their situation. Compared to homelessness, this is cake – they haven't suffered enough to be true Survivor contestants! (Actually, Survivor usually selects for pampered types who get all panicky in the outdoors and actually fear leaves. If he expected a sob story prerequisite, I think he's thinking of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. They won't even renovate your powder room unless you're at least missing an eye.)

If you're looking for evidence that Burnett is leaning in the sadistic direction, this week is yet another remmunity challenge. This gives Ravu half as many opportunities to score a win, which is a disastrous blow to the team morale. Even if they had to watch Moto feast while they soldiered on without fire or food, I think Ravu would get a little boost from an immunity win.

And not just any remmunity challenge: it's a brutal, physical slog. They've got to row a raft around a buoy, then return to the beach while clipping four big, floating crates onto a line, which they'll use to heave the crates ashore. Then, untie all the tangled knots, open the crates, and assemble a pole puzzle out of huge chunks of lumber that quickly rise over their heads. Then they must carry this to a mat and plant it like a flag. (Look... it's that Jesse Bradford scene from Flags of our Fathers! Someone give Clint an Oscar.)

After Ravu squanders its slight rowing lead and loses the challenge, Rocky's drained and furious, but he tries to stay upbeat. He tells Ravu, "Just wait for the challenge where there is no puzzle." Yeah, that's going to be quite a wait, friend. In the old days, there were puzzle challenges and racing challenges and balancing challenges. Now they're all mixed into each challenge – there's nowhere to hide. Every challenge has a puzzle. Shii-Ann would have a field day. Rocky's also prepared to abandon his alliance with Erica and Jessica now. (And only one TribCon vote too late!) He decides to go along with the group that's taking its frustration out on Erica for getting a little mouthy during the pole puzzle. Apparently she cost them valuable time, insisting that a certain piece would fit a certain way, which it didn't. From what I could tell, their puzzle assembly was adequately derailed before she chimed in, but on Survivor, you participate in anything at your own peril. Remaining unnoticed means avoiding blame.

Anthony has a more pragmatic take on things – he'd rather evict Sylvia who is also sort of mouthy and offers less of a physical advantage in the challenges. He talks to some people and seems to build a consensus around this idea, which we've learned is Survivor Editor for "This amounts to nothing." He's also exceedingly diplomatic in Tribal Council when Probst asks people how they're responding to Sylvia's assimilation into the team. He diplomatically explains how she bothers people, while assuring her that it's clear she means well. Feeling starved and attacked, Sylvia is still defensive, but at least he tried. I can't tell if Anthony is actually a really reasonable guy, or if I'm just soft on him because I know people who know him. If it's the latter, please nobody tell me if friends of yours are going on Survivor in the future – the slanderous sarcasm and ad hominem attacks are my bread and butter here.

In the end, it's Erica who goes home, which disappoints me because she was adorable and her hairdo was easily the most captivating I've ever seen on television, second only to Pete Carroll.

After that, Coach Probst sternly cautions, as only he can, that Ravu "has to find a way to win." Thanks, bub. Would that be "working together"? We'll get right on that. So far, we've been eating sand and mosquitoes, so as long as the next challenge involves losing muscle mass so quickly you can actually hear it happening, we're sure to come out on top.

Next week: we can all pray that something interesting happens. It looks like the bus driver might swallow his own lung. That would at least be a change of pace.

© onebee · all rights reserved