Fri, August 18, 2006

Lex (Ariana Richards): He left us! He left us! He left us!

Dr. Grant (Sam Neill): But that's not... what I'm gonna do.

"Entertainment Weekly" has forsaken us. The bastards just hung us out to dry. I'm considering canceling my subscription. They still haven't published their annual fall TV bible – the new fall season starts on Monday and they're sending us in unprepared. Last week, I was sure we'd get our TV preview, but instead we got the fall movie preview. (Ooo! What movies are coming out in October that I haven't heard about yet? Yeah, that's critical information.) TV starts in just a few days! Their priorities are for shit. They've totally dropped the ball.

But that's not... what I'm gonna do.

I'm going to take care of you. Without the handy guide, I took to the web to track down the time slots and premiere dates for the coming season. Of course, these change every time you reload a TV network's website, so they should be taken with a grain of salt – but I've done my best to gather the most accurate figures available.

As usual, I'll be reviewing all these shows as fast as TiVo can record them, but I realize that does you precious little good in planning your viewing ahead of time, so I'm including predicted ratings, to help separate the terrible shows from those that seem poised to go the distance. I've done my best to remain impartial and rank the shows based on their objective quality and not my personal taste – but the networks have learned they can jam the frequency of my TV-o-meter just by throwing my favorite starlets into their otherwise abysmal new shows. Sarah Carter must have saved me from a fire in a past life – I simply can't deny her. And Amy Smart and Ashley Scott each bring enough power to add an extra star to the rating their shows earned without them. (They say you end up being attracted to women who are similar to your mother – I always assumed they meant her personality, not her initials.)

Rating the shows in advance is tricky, especially without EW's insightful blurbs, because I'm limited to the clips and synopses released by the networks. However, it's possible to get a sense of the general writing style, the production values, the performances, and the tone of the show. So, hopefully these ratings are in the right ballpark, and we'll cross our fingers for a few surprises – shows that wildly exceeded their dull pitches, like last year's Criminal Minds or Surface.

Once again I've produced a couple of guides to assist with the Annual TiVo Gauntlet of New Fall Programming, and I'll post them here in case you find them useful. I need a weekly schedule grid to show what shows air when, with the premiere dates right there (as opposed to six pages away, like they are in EW). And I need a chronological calendar of when new shows are premiering, to assist in scheduling each week's recordings. Here they are – share and enjoy!

2006 Guide to Fall TV Premieres [116k PDF]
2006 Schedule of Fall TV Premieres [102k PDF]

Lately I've been thinking a lot about stamina in television series. Taking a look at the grid from last year's fall season, fully 65% of those shows are not returning this year. And, in most of those cases, the shows were obviously doomed. Inconceivable? Freddie? Anyone could tell you those ideas should have died in development. Other shows, like Reunion, clearly weren't cut out to be long-running series anyway. I wonder if network executives think about that at all – or do they pick shows they like now, and figure if a show makes it to a second season, they'll figure something out then? They mustn't be planning too far ahead, because this year there's another handful of new shows that seem designed to last only a single season (if that). Kidnapped endeavors to spend all season on one kidnapping; so next season starts completely fresh? 24 has had some success with this, but Jeremy Sisto, you sir are no Kiefer Sutherland. Similarly, shows like Smith and Standoff are stymied by the number of situations they can devise for their characters. Can you really create a new hostage crisis every week? A new robbery caper? Heist couldn't. (NBC, 2005 midseason)

Then there are comedies hinged around a single, inciting premise. I don't know why producers are still doing this. For a sitcom to work, it requires a very basic skeleton – a handful of good characters, and an environment in which they can interact. Cheers, Seinfeld, Raymond, Friends. These are the comedies that have shown staying power, and they accomplished that by not trying to live up to some stupid arc. Fox's 'Til Death is about Brad Garrett and his 23 year marriage, mixing it up with Eddie Kaye Thomas and his spanking-new marriage. What happens next year, when Thomas's marriage isn't new any more? The show has to be about the characters, not the way they met. (Same goes for How I Met Your Mother, which has just barely managed to outrun its dumb premise and become a pretty awesome show. Due entirely to its characters, it should be noted.) Twenty Good Years is about Lithgow and Tambor reinventing themselves in their twilight years. This premise will die about eight episodes in, and then the show will just be about their two characters (who seem pretty entertaining in their own right), yet still saddled with this dumb title that was really only good for the pitch to the network and the Q-and-A at the upfronts. Unless they add a list of things for Tambor and Lithgow to accomplish (and risk a lawsuit from the My Name Is Earl people), there's no way the "twenty good years" concept will remain the driving force behind each episode. You'd think people would have learned their lesson after Cursed.

So, I've put together a list of eight new shows this season that might have "legs" – not necessarily shows I like, but shows that at least seem crafted to meet the demands of creating a third or fourth season.

Ugly Betty (Thursdays – for now! – on ABC)
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (Mondays on NBC)
Heroes (Mondays on NBC)
Shark (Thursdays on CBS) if you can keep James Woods around
Friday Night Lights (Wednesdays on NBC)
30 Rock (Wednesdays on NBC)
Happy Hour (Thursdays on Fox)
The Nine (Wednesdays on ABC) since Lost seems to be able to do it...

We have more new shows this year (24) than returning sophomore shows and two-year-old shows put together (14 plus 9). TV producers need to get in the habit of creating six- or seven-year shows, or that number will just keep climbing.

Shows to Watch

(By which I mean, "shows that seem to have potential," but you probably should watch these shows, as well.)

Unlike EW, I haven't seen any more than a few clips of any of these shows. But based on what I've uncovered, these seem like the cream of this year's crop.

1. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (NBC Mondays) :
   This seems to be the show to beat this season. The buzz is tremendous, the cast is dazzling, and the idea is just a tidy little bundle of perfection. (I realize, however, that cutting the legs out from under SNL may not be as much of a wet dream for others as it is for me.)

2. 30 Rock (NBC Wednesdays) :
   Tina Fey is pretty hilarious, and this show is expertly engineered for excellence. All the footage I've seen makes it look fantastic, and Alec Baldwin is the grandiose, obtrusive dollop of icing on top.

3. Heroes (NBC Mondays) :
   This is the Second Great Superhero Enlightenment. Comics-based movies abound; Superman, Spider-Man, and Batman are more popular than ever; and even Aquaman is an Entourage side plot (and a very popular iTunes download). It's time for some brand new superheroes, a more realistic origin story, and a show that places heroes in the real world of today. Let's hope Heroes can accomplish this without getting bogged down.

4. Big Day (ABC ??) :
   Shoved aside by the lumbering 800 pound gorilla that is Ugly Betty (literally!), this comedy about the chaos of a wedding day had a lot of potential despite the obnoxious guy from the positively god-awful Committed (NBC, 2004 midseason). Hopefully it will return once a few of ABC's shows start dying off. (Ted Danson's is looking decrepit.)

5. The Nine (ABC Wednesdays) :
   This show – about how a day in a bank robbery hostage crisis changes the lives of a group of people – straddles the line between potentially compelling and downright stupid. It'll either be like Lost was when it first started, or it'll be like Lost was throughout most of last season. I'm hoping for the former, but preparing for the latter.

Premiering Next Week

Keep your eyes here for a preview of what's on the immediate horizon. For the first few weeks, it's Fox's early dumping ground, but things should pick up as we swing into September!

Vanished: Fox, Monday at 9:00

Also, if for any reason you're looking for TV shows to enjoy, do consider Adult Swim's transcendent The Venture Brothers and SciFi's pilot for the as-yet-ungreenlit The Amazing Screw-On Head – both airing late this Sunday night.

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