Mon, October 10, 2005
The Last Week, The First Cut
Things are winding down for premiere season, and it's clear why some shows are held for release late in the schedule. However, your intrepid guide soldiers on – watching these shows so you don't have to.
Close to Home
(CBS, 10:00pm Tuesdays)
"We need at least one more cop/legal drama," said the CBS programming honcho. "We've got the forensic one, the 'sassy' forensic one, the 'moody' forensic one, the missing persons one, and the new profiler one. We've got the math one. We've even got the one with the closed cases. What's left?" The assistant wheeled in the dart board of crime show "hooks," pulled a few darts out of the forehead of a photograph of Jerry Bruckheimer, and revealed the remaining options. "Hilarious, Spader/Shatner" is crossed off, as are "Awful, tarantulas" and "Awful, Don Johnson." The executive squints, rubs his forehead. Draws back and releases – thwip! Right into the assistant's femur. Another assistant lost. So it goes in Hollywood; nobody said it would be easy when you tucked your Washington & Lee diploma in your back pocket and signed up to work in the mail room at ICM.
Second throw – direct hit. "New mom in suburbia." And thus Close to Home was born.
Other than a fun, terse performance from John Carroll Lynch, this is the only thing that separates Close to Home from any other program in which a crime is investigated and prosecuted within an hour. Playing prosecutor Annabeth Chase, just returning from maternity leave, Jennifer Finnigan exudes passion and empathy. (She's also nearly two years younger than me – yikes!) But the show is unremarkable: the same evil baddies; the same slimy opposing counsel; the same late twist to win the case. And then, in case we couldn't tell that convicting a psychotic, abusive husband is a good thing, the music swells so loud that it drowns out the swelling music. It's like an Olympic opening ceremony in the courtroom!
Related
(WB, 9:00 Wednesdays)
Four kooky Manhattan sisters trade barbs and hold hands as they face various indignities (messy break-up, change of college major, unexpected pregnancy, dad's engagement). Three of these girls are older than the typical WB hottie by at least five years, but one of them is Kiele Sanchez, so I'm smitten nonetheless. In fact, it's Jennifer Esposito (the eldest sister) who gets the hottie treatment, in a steamy shower scene she shares with her newly fertilized ovum. The sisters blow everything out of proportion, react to everything in extremes, but they have a decent sisterhood dynamic. The show might do well among Dawson's Creek fans who are graduating into their late twenties. There's nothing altogether wrong with it, but it's been softened pretty heavily for easy chewability and fails to offer anything particularly engaging.
Hot Properties
(ABC, Fridays at 9:30)
Following in the footsteps of Twins, ABC surrounds a couple of hot girls with people like Nicole Sullivan who can actually deliver comedy. Sullivan is also working uphill against some incredibly tired sitcom writing, as one of three sexy real estate agents in Manhattan. The others are sexier but couldn't act their way out of a wet paper bag with a machete, a flashlight, and a pair of bag-eating badgers. The writing is so awful – filled with sloppy single entendres like, "My father and uncles were cabinet makers; I've spent my life surrounded by men with wood." – there are just silent, uncomfortable pauses after every line, waiting for the laugh track to kick in. These pauses would be removed in the editing, but there's nothing to cut to: the show is so light on comedy, if they cut out the gaps, it'd be ten minutes long. Not that that wouldn't be a merciful reprieve in its own right.
Freddie
(ABC, 8:30 Wednesdays)
The premiere of Freddie has been delayed by ABC, which comes as no surprise. I'm surprised they're premiering it ever. Rather than wait for next week, let's agree on what we already know, based on nothing more than the cast and the title. There will be a few lines that manage to generate laughs, but ultimately the desperation will show through and the show will be a miserable failure. There will be too many cast members, too many bright colors in the set design, and not enough funny lines.
And now, the results of the first cut: after three or four episodes, there are plenty of shows I know I don't need to watch any more, a few I'm definitely hooked on, and more than a handful that will require further investigation before I can decide. The first cut isn't very deep, but it gets rid of the truly pointless shows; a few more weeks, and I'll be able to narrow it down to the very best.
In order of how likely they are to become TiVo Season Passes (tm):
Surface
Still delivering good, clean fun and plenty of interesting surprises. (Plus Lake Bell running around looking ssssexy!)
Criminal Minds
Another huge surprise: never expected this to break out of its procedural formula, but it delivered in a way that only NUMB3RS has in recent memory. I'm TiVo'ing Veronica Mars repeats on the weekend in order to catch this show – that's how good it is. (Of course, there'd be no conflict if I gave up Lost...)
My Name Is Earl
Consistently entertaining, although surprisingly the best comic performer is Jaime Pressly. I love Jason Lee but he needs to relax and deliver his lines more naturally. He sounds like his narrator voice, even when he's doing dialogue. If he can make his performance more like the Jason Lee we loved in Chasing Amy or Vanilla Sky, we'd really have something.
Threshold
Taut, intriguing suspense and plenty of Dinklage!
Commander In Chief
I love Geena Davis, and so far Commander In Chief hasn't given me any reason to throw in the towel in disgust.
How I Met Your Mother
Four words: Neil. Patrick. Fucking. Harris. (Also, this show consistently delights me with lines that should never be on television because they shouldn't have been able to escape my brain: "Don't you get on that escalator! Don't you dare get on that subsequent escalator!")
Kitchen Confidential
Has yet to deliver belly laughs, but its strong ensemble and snappy rhythm make it hard for me to give up yet. I'll try for a few more weeks and then make the hard choice.
7 out of 26; not too bad for the first cut. This will probably be down to three or four by mid-season. I can live with that.
Premiering This Week
Freddie: ABC, Wednesday at 8:30
© onebee · all rights reserved
Brandon — Mon, 10/10/05 1:13pm
The others are sexier but couldn't act their way out of a wet paper bag with a machete, a flashlight, and a pair of bag-eating badgers.
Ahhh, but are we talking about wet-bag-eating badgers, or the dry variety? The dry-baggers might struggle with the wet bag you're throwing at them. A subtle yet crucial difference.
I'm on the fence about Earl so far, mostly because it's starting to feel like the same episode each week.
Bee Boy — Sun, 10/23/05 6:48pm
You have cats; you know they always prefer the wet food to the dry food.
(This witty retort brought to you by the Joke Time Capsule(tm). Drop your jokes in on Monday and they pop out fresh a week later!)
Brandon — Fri, 11/18/05 11:48am
I take back any and all negative things I said about My Name is Earl; the last two episodes have been absolute gems. And as I said to Jameson yesterday, it's my belief that Earl is the new Ed, in terms of quirky tone and warm-hearted core. And there's a pretty strong connection between Earl's list and Ed's law cases, in terms of the quest to do good and be a better person.
Just don't fuck us this time, NBC. We're watching you! Oh yeah, and while we're at it, get Scrubs back on the air! And apologize! Uh-huh. Okay, this time apologize like you actually mean it. Better. Now apologize for cancelling Boomtown. On your knees. While weeping. Feh. I still won't forgive you for that one.