Fri, September 9, 2005

Reunion

(Fox, 9:00 Thursdays)

When Fox announced the debut of 24, I went around saying (in my haughtiest professor voice), "This is a fascinating premise, but they've locked themselves into a full season. It'll be a huge embarrassment if they pull the plug on the show only three 'hours' in." The same could be said for Reunion, in which each episode represents another year between 1986 and 2006 (the flying-car, robot-overlord future in which all of this season's finales will air, if shows make it that long). Fox can't pull the plug on Reunion without stranding its cast somewhere in the late '80s. It'd be absurd! Well, of course we all know that has nothing to do with it. Networks fear no egg on the face when canceling shows, least of all Fox, who canceled Wonderfalls during a commercial break and replaced the last act with that footage of a monkey bathing a cat. The experience of 24 notwithstanding, Fox absolutely can cancel Reunion, and most likely will.

Reunion is a high-concept show: its main appeal is its premise, following six close friends over a 20 year relationship that begins with high school graduation and ends with the murder of one of the clique. (No indication yet which one is dead; we know it's not Carla, because she's talking to the detective, but he strains plausibility by referring to her dead friend only as "the deceased" so it could be any one of the other five.) The thing about a premise-driven show is: it's amazing how much difference Kiefer Sutherland makes. Reunion's cast is made up entirely of unknowns, and they're playing characters right out of the bargain bin at Crazy Eddie's Stock Character Emporium: the flashy silver-spoon rich kid struggling to outgrow his father's influence and wealth; his working-class lifelong friend; the shallow, pampered girlfriend of Richie who's been canoodling with the best friend because he's more humble and kind; the quirky virgin with the heart of gold; the momless hottie who uses sex to get attention from guys (and teachers); Ally Sheedy. These characters bonk off of each other for the entire hour, according to the rules specified on the back of their Stock Character cards. ("I've got an Unwanted Pregnancy of 60 but a Personal Fortitude of 20; I'll hide it from the boyfriend, tell his pal (the actual father), schedule an abortion appointment, but then cancel at the last minute." "I've got a DWI of 80 but a Rich Father of 100 and an Opportunism of 68; I'll get my working-class friend to take the fall which may result in a lesser sentence for him, but guarantees my summer plans to ride my jet ski in my Perrier pond will go uninterrupted.")

Sure, it's easy to make fun of character choices in the pilot, when writers must plaster the screen with as much backstory as possible – and I'm sure I'll look the other way when it happens on My Name Is Earl. But the characters alone aren't the problem: it's their endless stream of coy bons mots, coupled with the inability to resist "flashback humor" (e.g., "Wham is going to be the next Beatles; talk to me in 20 years."). I detest flashback humor so much I won't even tolerate it when done right, on such quality shows as Friends. ("Cute Naked Guy is starting to put on a little weight.") In addition, events conveniently fall into sequence in completely random ways just to slyly pack all of each year's most pivotal moments into a few days. (In the same way that Kiefer never gets a bathroom break on 24, these characters must spend 362 days a year scribbling in their journals and watching Hee Haw reruns, then get together for half a week of sparks flying!) For example: half the group is waiting for Rich Kid to pick up Working Class Fall Guy at the hospital, but Richie steers him over to Rich Dad's place for a quick strategy session; when Fall Guy departs, sure enough Cheating Girlfriend is waiting for him along the Gumdrop Pass shortcut from Rich Manor to Local Hangout, so she can tell him about their kid. Also, all the actors react to life-changing events like pregnancy, vehicular manslaughter, and marriage proposals with the same cool indifference. It seems as though someone has taken these characters aside and told them they're all on a TV show, so they just take everything in stride. It's hard to imagine that people will stay tuned to Reunion just for the premise – or for the exciting opportunity to see how the makeup department ages these teenagers gradually into midlife.

Which is probably just as well, because it's only going to get more challenging to select a handful of each year's most poignant songs to play in the background. This is simple in the '80s, when "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and "Take On Me" practically add themselves to your soundtrack, but the pressure to pick the most poignant friend-burying song of 2006 by mid-April at the latest is going to be pretty intense.

I should mention the one watchable part: Tom Irwin is great as Ally Sheedy's pharmacist dad, a character created entirely so that Cheating Girlfriend could have easy access to over-the-counter pregnancy tests, which she will then administer – as TV characters always do – during a party while all her closest friends are celebrating in the next room. When his daughter gets choked up about being the odd duckling of the group, she looks almost exactly like Angela Chase, so this is easy territory for Irwin. I'd have liked to see him play the role with a little more "Mort Goldman" in it, but he still performs admirably, especially considering his major scene in this episode is having this conversation with his daughter:

"Dad, things sure do change fast."

"Yep. Yep, they do."

"And you know, Dad, things sure do stay the same fast, too."

"Yep."

Fox dumped this show early in the premiere season and – from the look of it – shot the pilot for $50,000, so I think they already know it's cancellation fodder. If it does stick around, I just hope they kill the hot one, because otherwise they'll make her into some trashy washout with a face lined with regret in 2006.

Premiering Next Week

The Simpsons: Fox, Sunday at 8:00 (You never know!)
The War at Home: Fox, Sunday at 8:30
Family Guy: Fox, Sunday at 9:00
American Dad: Fox, Sunday at 9:30
Bones: Fox, Tuesday at 8:00
House: Fox, Tuesday at 9:00
Supernatural: WB, Tuesday at 9:00
Head Cases: Fox, Wednesday at 9:00
Survivor: CBS, Thursday at 8:00
Twins: WB, Friday at 8:30
Threshold: CBS, Friday at 9:00

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