Tue, March 22, 2005

Now we're getting somewhere! This is what Survivor was meant to be: strategy, surprises, and a constant battle for survival. We finally get a decent reward challenge, a kickass immunity challenge, then some sort of anti-remmunity affair in which you can win food (of course – you can always win food) but you can't win immunity. It's fairly non-traditional, but then again, with five people left on the dwindling Ulong team and Koror still nine strong, something had to be done.

(I suppose I should take a moment to retract everything I ever said about Kim. At the time I really didn't think I was giving her the benefit of the doubt – I thought she'd been legitimately misrepresented and would show real promise without Jeff. Boy, was I wrong.)

As much as I complain about the contestants being coddled by constant food rewards, I have to say that I love the idea of the Home Depot (tm) Reward Challenge. First of all, it's significantly more valuable than any Pringles and beer might be, and moreover: it's a homework challenge, which I don't think we've seen before. The teams have all night until the next day to work on it, so it's a real test of their devotion. Do they reach a point, "call it good," and go to bed; or do they give it their all and make something amazing? It really shows what sets Koror apart in terms of their teamwork and general enthusiasm – which, to be fair, is probably enhanced by the complete lack of crushing defeat so far in their experience. I like the ingenuity of their design, and I think their tour is excellent – exhibiting the features but also describing the design process. (Ulong does a great job, too. I think it would be a real toss-up for an architect to choose between the two – but since the judge is the Survivor set designer, I think the little accoutrements put Koror over the top.) I think it's awesome, and you can not overstate the value of having a raised platform to sleep on out there in the jungle.

Then, at the immunity challenge: gladiator battle! This is Burnett recognizing how downtrodden and hostile Ulong is feeling and just fanning those flames with everything he has. He puts them in a face-to-face battle for their survival against a group they've come to loathe – and it is fierce. Hands down, the most compelling challenge I've watched in Survivor history. (And that's counting all the challenges in All-Stars where you could see staffers reaching into the frame to hand Rob knives, puzzle pieces, and oars.) I've gained a whole new respect for Stephenie: at first I thought she was bitchy and overbearing, and she is – but she's also ferociously competitive and driven. While Angie is fueled by anger and the need to keep proving herself, Steph just fights to win. It's spectacular to watch the scrappy do-or-die gladiator battle, and it's joyous to watch Koror eke out a win. Ulong is apoplectic. At this point, whenever Probst gets around to mentioning the merge, Ulong just won't hear of it. "Fuck you," they'll say. "We'll walk straight into the ocean before we share a beach with them." (Cut to Burnett, cackling and stroking a snow-white Persian cat in his lap.)

In years past, I've rejected the idea of Survivor producers needlessly manipulating the contestants for their own fiendish glee, but now that I've finally embraced the show as the anarchic free-for-all that it must be in order to survive, I'm on board. Sure, Burnett could have done the predictable thing and thrown in a couple of challenges that Ulong could easily win. (A tattoo-off springs to mind.) Or, he could've put two obvious strength challenges back to back, to make Willard and Caryn crumble. Which I would've liked, because golly, they sure have enjoyed complaining about the way things are going at Koror, despite the fact that they make no contribution, yet they receive free protection from Tribal Council. (Caryn: Wah! Tom's such a bad leader! Well, fine! What would you have done differently? What's he done wrong? Sure, bristle at the fact that he assumed power without taking a vote, but you can't deny, Koror runs like a well oiled machine and wants for nothing!) But no, Burnett does none of these things. He doesn't stoop in the mud and offer Ulong a hand – he places a boot on the back of their neck and grinds their face deeper into the muck. It's going to make some damn good television. (Which is good, because Survivor is due.)

So, Kim's outta there, freeing the editors to focus on another snuggly couple: Jenn and Gregg at Koror. Yay! Our collective taste for grainy night-vision footage of canoodling can never be sated! Let One Night in Paris stand as Exhibit A! As it turns out, they're more than just cute cuddlers – they've got a strategy! (Which begs the question, why cuddle cutely and invite all the scrutiny that comes along with that? Don't follow in AmbeRob's footsteps for God's sake – Jeff and Kim will tell you, that option is no longer open.) I'm proud of them for thinking smart and interpreting the numbers, though. The key to playing this game well is to navigate loosely between cooperative and individual strategies, being able to switch back and forth on a moment's notice – and the key to making this show watchable is playing the game well.

Which means, not just because they're cute, but because they're playing smart, too – I'll be rooting for Gregg and Jenn and their Alliance of the Unnecessarily Duplicated Trailing Consonants. I don't agree with everything they've done up to now – bringing Coby on board this early was hasty – but goddamn, I'm pleased to see someone taking a long-term view. It remains to be seen whether they can also think on their feet and adapt their plan as the situation changes, because it will. Either their snuggling will make them a target or Coby's conspicuous babbling will make someone suspicious, or – most likely – the events of a given episode will make someone a target for dismissal and they won't be able to steer the voting back around to their plan without exposing themselves. It would be really great to see someone play this game smart, rather than just accidentally playing it less dumb than everyone around them.

But first, it's the TribCon TribCon Buffet! Koror hastily dispatches Willard, which – come on – is what anyone would do. Your first Tribal Council is your opportunity to weed out your old people, and he had more than the usual time to demonstrate an ability to contribute if he was going to do it. I agree that Katie's way more of a pain in the ass, but Coby's right: there's no way to turn the voting around on her without making himself a target. Same goes for the DTC kids (Gregg, Jenn): Katie's a wild card and possible spoiler of their strategy, too – but if they try to use their leverage, which is greater than Coby's, they give up their perceived status as easygoing hangers-on and their scheming becomes apparent. So, Willard goes – and he declines to strip and hand over all his clothes to Coby the way he promised. I don't know if the producers admonished him against it, or if he forgot, or maybe he's counting on another Outcast twist, and so he wants to be prepared. Koror moves to the jury box, and Probst forces them to wait to eat until Ulong comes in – you tell me Burnett isn't trying to torture Ulong. (I wish they'd banded together and decided to carry the food back to camp instead.)

Koror had agreed in advance, thanks to some smart and compassionate planning by Coby, not to make a big deal out of their food – moaning and yelping – since Ulong would be right there, starving and voting out one of their own. I think this was a really nice idea, because it's already a fork in Ulong's only remaining unforked eye, you don't need to make it worse. However, I can also understand that these people are hungrier than I've ever been, so when they see biscuits and beef stew, they lose control and start moaning (or, in Ian's case, singing). I would've tried really hard not to do that, but I can't guarantee that I would've succeeded. I certainly don't think Koror overdoes it – that is, they don't exaggerate their enjoyment of the food just to tick Ulong off. This is the same reaction, probably less, they'd have had if they were eating back at camp. There's a moment – most likely fabricated in the editing room – where Stephenie rolls her eyes not in reaction to the celebration but in reaction to the mere fact that they're eating in front of her. I'm pretty sure this didn't really happen because of the way it's cut together, and I hope not. Because I'm really starting to like her (I love her comment about, "I'm getting tired of losing; I'm looking forward to a merge" because it indicates that she hates Koror, but hates losing even more.) and being upset with Koror for eating would be unfair. It's Burnett's fault they're eating. And you know he's just trying to get to you. Don't take that part out on them.

Then comes the first time when it would actually be appropriate to be coy in the TribConversation with Probst, because Koror is watching and listening, but Ulong is pretty straight with him. (God bless 'em.) I think they realize there's no information Koror could gather that would make that much difference – they outnumber them by a factor of two, and they already know most of what there is to know: Steph is strong and fierce, Angie is scrappy, James is tenacious but kind of a screw-up, Ibrehem and Bobby Jon have buff bods but fail a lot of the time. So, they all pretty much lay it out there. (At one point, Steph says she doesn't know who Koror sent home because she "can't even look over there" – I was really hoping someone with a mouthful of biscuits would just shout back "It's Willard! He's old!") Ibrehem makes a case for considering his performance in past challenges rather than just his miserable failure in the anti-remmunity race – which is somewhat fallacious because he fell off the gladiator platform last week, too, and Angie never did. He really doesn't have a super-strong challenge performance to rely on. But (and this is the point at which Burnett must remove a fork from Ulong's eye in order to have someplace to shove another fork) Koror gets to bestow immunity on one person, by vote.

Now the genius of this isn't just allowing it to happen. It's bringing it up now, after Ulong has already said what they're going to say, and without Koror having any chance to talk amongst themselves. I'm furious that cbs.com doesn't include this in the voting history, because it would be very telling to see who voted for whom when it was just up to them individually. By a narrow margin, Koror does the evil thing and gives Ibrehem immunity. This is smart for them, because he's clearly the weakest, and not loved by Ulong, so they'd rather have him around post-merge: he'll be easier to push out. And, it'll force them to eliminate someone stronger – someone Koror would rather not face in future challenges. It also plays into the cruel hands of Burnett, because now Ulong must get rid of one of the four members who do make a contribution, and they also have to vote without talking it over. (You can be damn sure they didn't decide on a backup vote – everyone wanted Ibrehem gone.) What's more, Ibrehem had asked Bobby Jon to tell him "what's up" when the vote was decided (as they always do). They don't show Bobby Jon telling him, but they don't show him not telling him, either. He might have said it. Or, he might have said, "Dude, who the fuck else would we vote for?" which is what I'd have said. It's not just that Ibrehem is the obvious choice: they can't spare anyone else. Anyway, if in fact BJ (Probst coined it, not me) didn't tell Ibrehem, golly this will bite him in the ass. Which is why – even though it's completely absurd for people to ask you to tell them – you always should. It's the Lill Factor: you never know what'll happen, and if you time it right, there's nothing they can do with that information anyway. Sadly, Angie is the one to go. I think James is the more logical choice, because he's failed a lot at recent challenges, when Angie's been strong. But, you've got mostly guys voting so they're going to vote for a girl. It's a shame, but really there was nobody out of those four you wanted to kick off.

I'd really like to see Steph get her wish, but it would also be fun if they delay the merge long enough that they don't have one because Koror just eliminates Ulong entirely. I guess they can't do that, though, because who would vote for Steph at Ulong's last TribCon? She can't vote for herself. It would be great to see Koror sitting seven people out for that immunity challenge though: then the challenge could just be a game of chess or something. Ooh, like The Seventh Seal!

© onebee · all rights reserved