Fri, November 12, 2004

I really can't stand "writer's block," something that happens to me very frequently for long periods of time. Even worse, though, is something akin to "writer's logjam," where I have one or two pieces of writing that I'm really interested in doing, but I want to do them just right which means I must create (or luck into) the perfect storm of free time, inspiration, and energy – and until I can get them done, I can't write anything else. Hate that. And it's happening right now. (Doesn't help that I've been swamped at work lately, either.)

I'm not saying that's what's happened with Survivor. It is that, but so much more. My little Survivor scratchpad from last week doesn't even have five lines filled. There's nothing I can do with a show that dull. Royry continues to show exactly why his strategy is so misguided – turning himself effectively into the Shii-Ann of this year's game by confusing his loyalties and promises so quickly that he's useless to anyone. Julie plays Lopevi with extraordinary effectiveness, making her my clear favorite at this point, although I don't exactly expect her to win. She's just playing the game smart, and it doesn't hurt that she's attractive and friendly and her exhibitionism nearly rivals my own. (It's particularly impressive to me because sexy exhibitionists are so hard to find, and they're really the only ones who deserve to show themselves off. Lord knows I'm not among them.) Lopevi puts up no fight whatsoever, partly out of hubris, partly out of general stupidity, and partly out of successful strategy by the ladies. But mostly because they got dumb and eliminated John K, putting their numbers in jeopardy and essentially sealing their fate.

The reward challenge is ridiculous. Teams are supposed to fill a can with water from the ocean, then transport the water to a larger container by tossing the can to another team member who throws just the water into the can of a final team member. And nobody can figure out how to do this. The key is to throw the can itself in a slow, highish arc, and catch it high, then decelerate it as you break its fall. Nobody even tries this. They just hurl the thing. Same with tossing the water. You want to eject it from the can all at once, in a fluid motion so that it stays together, and you want to catch it "gently" – meeting it with the can, then slowing it rather than stopping it abruptly and causing a splash. It's just like the egg toss you had in high school physics or throwing water balloons at a backyard birthday party: you get your hands way out there, catch it early, then slow it down as you bring it down and into your body. These idiots never grasp it at all. They're just chucking cans through the air and spraying water at each other like circus clowns. I'm through with all of them.

I'm really glad Royry's gone. His personality was obnoxious, his style of play was becoming annoying, and he really didn't deserve to win. Kudos to everyone for voting him off now and not leaving it up to chance later. It's a shame the other men can't see the benefit in a) eliminating him and b) getting on board with the ladies and their obvious majority in order to have a chance at not inexorably splitting the newly merged team right down gender lines. When Julie and Twila mention that they're leaning towards Royry, the others should realize that it's smarter to be with them and possibly keep them in an alliance that excludes the other women than it is to challenge them and send them scurrying back to the girls' club. But, considering none of the men deserves to win, I can't say I'm surprised or saddened.

Ugh. I can't wait for The Amazing Race next week. That's how far Survivor has fallen. It really is all in the casting.

This week, the real hoot is that Chris's immediate response to the alliance that has shifted right beneath his eyes (and, by the way, shifted in a thoroughly predictable way) is to express his disappointment to Julie and Twila. Yay, guilt! That'll fix everything! "Golly, fellas, how can we win back your trust? We feel terrible. Oh, wait... we'll have a majority in the jury no matter what? Well then fuck you! We don't need your respect or admiration! We're playing a game!" Besides which, you don't have to watch a single episode of Survivor to understand the danger of the sub-alliance problem. If Lopevi wanted Twila (or Julie, or both) in an alliance, it was perfectly clear that beyond the gender distinction, the pre-existing relationship of the original Lopevi group made the girls the first to go amongst that alliance. You're never going to be able to rely on someone not finding (or at least searching for) a better deal if you put them in that position.

But, oh great! It's another challenge in which you don't win – you just win the right to contribute to someone else's loss. This time, instead of coconuts in a trough or steps backwards along a plank, it's skull-shaped coconuts. And the guys are complaining that the girls gang up on them. But, why should they pretend otherwise? It's obvious how things are, so what's to be gained by some ridiculous façade? Whatever. Let's just skip to who shares the reward with whom and what the politics are: Leann wins it, and shares with Julie, which is smart. Solidifies her alliance with the rest of Yasur, and also shows no hard feelings that Julie was the second woman eliminated from the challenge when the women had to start lighting each other's torches. This is good both within the female alliance and within the team in general: Julie and Eliza played up their disappointment that their friends lit their coconuts, and this is the sort of thing that would get the men scheming about how to break one or two of them away from the alliance. Making it publicly known that they're still a happy family is very smart.

On the reward challenge (surprise! tons of food!), we learn a little bit about volcano geology and a lot about why women's alliances have not traditionally held up in this game. Julie and Leann talk about how they'd prefer to have a final four group of people they feel are deserving, rather than being in the final four with people strategically selected to advance their own chance of winning. Reeeeallly. I'm optimistic, though. Leann may be thinking this way, but Julie's shown an ability to say one thing and mean another – she may still be able to play the game and not just play tea party with the girls. Eliza, however, needs to work real hard on being an integral part of the alliance, or at least appearing that way, or she'll be granting the men the perfect leverage to get out of the hole they've dug themselves into. Here's hoping some contraband chicken wings will help solidify that bond.

The immunity challenge, consisting of reconstructing puzzles to match a pattern that Probst displays before they start working, would be a huge embarrassment for the men – all of whom are eliminated in the first round – if not for the fact that it's tailor-made for the women. Colors and patterns are certainly more their thing. And – while this disparity along gender lines may not be so dramatic in society at large – in this group, the women have clearly superior planning and problem-solving skills. You can tell that they break the puzzle down into elements (green cross, blue border, yellow X) which makes for easy memorization, while the guys clearly don't hit upon this idea. Also notable: Julie very clearly throws the challenge. She's performed great on every round, and her last puzzle has huge glaring errors. It'll be interesting to see how that plays out.

For now, though, it's immunity for Ami, and the ladies don't do a terrific job of maintaining unity among their alliance. They really should be more careful about keeping track of who wanders off talking to the men, and which sub-groups of the women seem to bond too closely. With all the desperation that's flowing around, all sorts of schemes are getting cooked up, and in order to keep the numbers in their favor they need to keep a lid on that. Chad's acting up a storm, Sarge is promising Twila "a solid fourth." (Where's the appeal there? Isn't first the one that gets the million?) I have to hand it to the ladies. They do a terrific job of acting, both before and during TribCon, to make it seem (especially in Twila's case) like there's some wavering going on. In the end, it's nearly unanimous for Lea, with even Chris seeing the value of getting into a larger alliance and trying to split it from the inside. Only Chad and Lea vote for the ladies, and each of them votes for someone different (Julie and Eliza, respectively), which would seem to indicate that they are out of the loop, most likely being played by Chris, telling each who the other is voting for. Or, the whole thing is architected to make the women feel like there's division in their midst (that maybe one of them was voting for Eliza or Julie instead of Lea). Very curious, but I doubt it'll be effective. At this point, it's key to get as many men as possible on the jury first, no matter what tiffs may arise internally, because any woman who gets cut earlier than the last men for any reason other than individual immunity is going to feel betrayed, and be a lot less predictable as a jury member.

I'll always love farewell speeches like Lea's, though: "I wouldn't want to be there as they tear each other's heads off." Oh, yeah. Getting voted off Survivor is the best possible thing that can happen to a Survivor contestant. The last thing you want to do is stick around for the part where they hand out the money. Voting him off, they did him a favor!

POLL:

Survivor: Vanuatu

Who do you want to win Survivor: Vanuatu?

	Julie
	Chris
	Leann
	I swear to God, if any one of them displayed a personality, I'd pick that person in a heartbeat.

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