Thu, October 7, 2004

It's Unscrupulous Opportunism Sunday on ABC! They're going out on a limb and debuting two shows packed full of crazy villains and dark secrets back to back.

Desperate Housewives

(ABC, 9:00 Sundays)

Desperate Housewives employs the American Beauty method of using a dead person to narrate a story of simmering suburban angst. In this case the dead person is Mary Alice Scott (Brenda Strong) who takes her life early in the pilot. It's assumed at first that she's driven to suicide by the sterility of her perfect upper-middle-class life, but towards the end of the hour it's revealed that there are disturbing secrets involved that threaten to tear apart her family and shock the already disturbed neighborhood.

The show takes place on a short stretch of Wisteria Lane, which may as well be called Seinfeld Exes Lane because there's Sidra (Teri Hatcher as "Susan") and highfalutin dermatologist Sarah Sitarides (Marcia Cross as "Bree") as well as Sue-Ellen Mishkie (Strong). The characters spend most of their time stalking around from one house to another, so we see a lot of Wisteria Lane and it's incredibly distracting to me how much it looks like a backlot. It reminds me a lot of the suburban street at Warner Brothers, but considering who's making it, it's just as likely that the Disney lot has a similar-looking street. (Actually, it's startlingly similar to the suburban backlot in the upcoming video game The Movies.) It's a curvy street, allowing the camera to shoot down the street without revealing a long row of houses; there are curtains in every window, to obscure the fact that there are no rooms; the houses are only a few feet deep, which we rarely see, but you can tell if you look at the roof lines; and there are no houses behind them. Where's the next street over? I keep expecting the Studio Tour tram to trundle down the street as Sarah is carrying her mac and cheese to Mary Alice's wake.

The show focuses on five women who were close friends on the block, even though they don't exactly hesitate to stab each other in the back. Mary Alice will apparently still be around in flashbacks and narration (which is great because I adore Brenda Strong). Lynette (Felicity Huffman; it's a Sports Night reunion, too) is the former career gal who's now dealing with an infant and three intractable young sons; Bree is the perfect Martha Stewart clone who cooks gourmet three meals a day and is never seen in public with a hair out of place; Gabrielle (the steamy Eva Longoria) is a trophy wife for her husband Carlos and is sleeping with the lawn boy; and Susan is recently divorced with a teenage daughter – Susan passes for the "good guy" in this bunch, although she does (accidentally) burn a neighbor's house down in the first episode.

The show is quick-witted, fast-paced, and well cast. There's kind of a lot going on in the first week, but as long as that pace abates now that everything is established, it shouldn't be a problem. It manages to have strong, clashing characters without quite seeming like a soap opera. And there are a couple of funny lines. A neighbor describes Susan's macaroni and cheese as "burned and undercooked" (Susan: "I get that a lot.") and there's a great scene at Bree's dinner table, where her children (and husband, played by the excellent Steven Culp) confront her about her cooking. At one point the daughter says, "Just once, couldn't we have a soup that people have heard of?" which is excellent because it's just what a young girl would say, and it doesn't make any sense. She's discussing their cuisine at school, and stumping her friends?

Boston Legal

(ABC, 10:00 Sundays)

I never watched The Practice (as yummy as Marla Sokoloff is), so I haven't seen the James Spader character in the context in which he was originally introduced. But apparently he was gleefully smarmy and self-involved, and it gave the show new life and gave Spader an Emmy. So, that character has been spun off into Boston Legal and surrounded with more smarmy selfish lawyers.

Boston Legal is preceded by a viewer discretion advisory, as is almost every single television show post-Janet Jackson. Which is so ridiculous because why is that the salve? If the FCC really thinks TV is too violent and sexy (read: too good), then how does a "viewer discretion" title card really solve that problem? It's like in "Dilbert" when the pointy-haired boss thought he couldn't get mad at you as long as you said "with all due respect" before insulting him. It doesn't do anything. Shows like this one wear it as a badge of honor. Besides, it's so ubiquitous that it's absolutely faded into the background. Every TV promo ends with "viewerdiscretionadvised!" so you don't even hear it any more. It's like the beeping of the airport carts.

From a casting standpoint, they're off to a terrific start. Spader is joined by William Shatner (delightfully aloof) and Monica Potter (adorably forthright, and also the only reason to rent Patch Adams), as well as sexy Lake Bell from Miss Match (Miss Match creator Jeff Rake is onboard as a writer, also). Plus arch-sexy newcomer Rhona Mitra, with a delicious British accent. (She's not entirely brand new; we watched an invisible Kevin Bacon assault her in her undies in Hollow Man.) This week the guest stars are a veritable parade of talent: Larry Miller (and his naked ass – discretion advised!), Philip Baker Hall, John Michael Higgins – plus next week we get Frances Fisher!

The stories on the show are a little too over the top to be really engaging, but it's clear that the show isn't about story, it's about watching all these hyperbolic personalities bonk off of each other and cause sparks. It doesn't even need to be about lawyers (aside from the fact that David E. Kelley doesn't know anything else). They could be selling shoes or painting houses and be just as smarmy and unscrupulous. I guess this way they get to do it in classy suits. (And expertly manicured eyebrows. Every single one of them! It's something to behold.)

The reason to tune in is clearly Spader. I've always been tremendously impressed by him, especially in characters like this one (e.g., Wolf). He's so filled with enthusiasm over his unctuosity, his whole face lights up. And he uses the word "fungible" which I think was a spelling bee word this year.

ABC continues to put the closing credits at the bottom of the screen, rather than the right side. God bless them.

Premiering Next Week

Drew Carey's Green Screen Show: WB, Thursday at 8:30
life as we know it: ABC, Thursday at 9:00
(Starring Kelly Osbourne; prepare your air sickness bags.)

© onebee · all rights reserved