Tue, September 7, 2004

Last Comic Standing

Last Comic Standing is back, having been rushed into a third series just in time for the fall prime-time premieres because of all the adulation and ratings and Emmys. In order to shave valuable weeks off the preproduction process they did away with the two most time-intensive portions of setting up this show: the auditions and the house. So, the players will be the cast of the first series against the comics from the most recent series, competing for money and another chance at being designated the Last Comic Standing.

Shockingly, everyone from the first Last Comic Standing is back. Maybe there was something in the contract? I doubt it. Maybe TV exposure is just really important to people at this stage in a developing stand-up career. Probably so. Still, you'd think maybe one or two of them would have gotten out of comedy by now or something. I guess not. They're all back, including my super-favorites Dave Mordal and Rob Cantrell, plus all the really terrible comics, too. With the most recent group, we're not so lucky. The inimitable Bonnie McFarlane has chosen not to return, which is no big surprise to me. Her entire experience on this show has been multiple schoolings that her style of comedy does not appeal to LCS audiences. She seems to have enjoyed her time in the house with Todd Glass and John Heffron, but with no house this time around, the show really has nothing to offer her. I'll miss her, but it's not like I watch this show that carefully any more these days. Quizzically, NBC decides that her replacement should be elected from some near-finishers by the nine remaining housemates. NBC offers up Jessica ("Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!") Kirson, Marina Franklin, and two others I've already forgotten and lets the cast choose. NBC knows Marina is the funniest, because they invited her to perform at the finale of the last show, but they let the comics choose and they of course choose Kirson because she's stupendously unfunny and therefore will pose no threat whatsoever. God, I hate Ant.

Then, each house gets to choose which five comics from the opposing team will face off in this night's competition. Ten comics will perform, I'll fast-forward through six, America will vote, and the team whose comics receive the most votes will split a $50,000 prize, while the comic with the least votes on each team will be eliminated. The other five comics from each team will perform at the next competition, which I guess is why the teams select the opponents that they do: confusion and future scenarios. On the one hand, you'd think they'd nominate the five strongest comics from the other team, on the theory that – as one comic suggested – if one is definitely going home, then you start eliminating some of the strong. Or, you could put up all weak comics, giving me a lot more to fast-forward through, and assuring your team the 50 grand. Instead, they both pick a few good comics and a few bad comics, and the bad comics are immediately eliminated. (Cory Kahaney, who's marginally okay, but not spectacular, and Jessica "Dead Weight" Kirson.)

I like that this show is focusing more on the comedy this time, because we'll see more stand-up, which should be the point, and the voting audience won't have the house-based hijinks on which to base their votes, so there's at least a chance that funnier comics will start to do better. (Try as Ralphie May might to sway voters with emotion, dedicating his performance to his recently deceased cancer victim dad. I feel for Ralphie, but boy does that throw a wrench in the voting.) Ultimately, very little to report, here. Kahaney and Kirson are out, sure to be followed quickly by Jay London and Tere Joyce next week. Shockingly, the newer team won the $50,000 despite Ralphie's very special episode. The new setup removes all of the drama and most of the strategy from the game, so I'm left with relatively little to comment on, except the comedy. Todd Glass was really funny with his bit about people wearing fanny packs. "There are certain things they can't say... like, 'Hey, you want my opinion?'" Delicious. There you have it.

The Amazing Race

A couple of fights this week. One is Bowling Moms vs. Taxi Guy: the Moms leave their bag behind and have to return to the water park to get it. Once there, they ask a taxi driver for directions to the airport and he says, "I go there, come" which they take to mean "I'm on my way there; why not just follow me?" and he apparently means "Hire me to drive there, and follow me in your car," which is something that many teams have done in the past. Jim and Marsha were practically addicted to it. I kind of feel like this is a situation in which a peaceful resolution might be to split the fare since I do believe it's an honest misunderstanding on the part of the Moms. There wasn't a lot of communication, just "How do we get to the airport?" "I go there, come" [Driving]. It makes perfect sense to assume that the cabbie would be headed to the airport to troll for fares, and with such unsubstantial negotiations, I can see where the Moms might assume the price is "free." Anyway, once the Moms find out that the staggering 41 dinar cost the driver demands is only $15 US, they just pay him and move on, which is just as well because I've all but lost interest in any taxi-related shenanigans that don't feature Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah.

The other major fight is more of an orgy of multiple separate fights, all relating to the brick-building Roadblock. The Twinkies ruthlessly bitch at each other for pretty much the whole time, which adds fatigue and reduces productivity – just all around silly. Especially at the point when the non-Roadblocking one is yelling at the Roadblocking one that "you know I could do that better than you." What?! First, really? They've been in a situation like this before? Some sort of Play-Doh race at glee club, perhaps? And second, there's a distinction in the innate ability to form clay bricks between identical twins? Was one of them closer to the bricklaying side of the embryo? I believe I've made my position well known regarding offering "advice" to your Roadblocking partner, but even if you're going to say something, try not to make it absurdly ridiculous. And that's basically all this fight comes down to, is the good ol' Roadblock Shuttie. If you're not doing the Roadblock, you need to just go somewhere else, shut up, and chill out. (Ideally, I still think teams should discuss this during their Pit Stop time and come up with a strategy based on what feels most comfortable for each teammate, but a default of "quiet" would do fine in a pinch.) "Keep going, you're doing great" is fine; I'll even take "Don't slow down." But offering advice, especially that which contradicts what the Roadblocker is already doing, is only going to slow things down. Perhaps it's genuinely valuable or helpful (certainly in most cases the intentions are good; most non-Charla cases), but in the long run that will average out: over the course of the entire race, a policy of complete silence will always triumph over a policy of blurting things out. So, Nicole's nagging of Brandon and Christie's nagging of Colin are completely unnecessary. (Although Christie is pretty adorable, high-fiving the brick foreman when Colin starts to hit his stride.) Interestingly, last week's Scenes really tried to imply that C&C had a significantly larger blow-up than they actually do. It's all part of CBS's attempt to cast Colin as the villain – a role he admittedly fits better than some, but he's not nearly as bad as they want us to think he is. In this case, he really only shouts at Christie once, and asks her in a grumbly tone to be quiet once or twice more. Totally fine with me, because all non-Roadblockers should be waiting in the car anyway.

But enough about all that. My account of this week's episode is basically a referendum on whether or not you should agree to have your hair cut really really short in a reality show race for a million dollars. Because, after failing to grasp the brick-making concept and opting for the Fast Forward, that's what Brandon and Nicole are asked to do. To complete the Fast Forward and leap ahead of the other teams, they must participate in a ritual that will leave them with very short hair. (Everyone says "shave their heads," but it's really more of a super-close trim. It's not Moby or THX-1138, slick bald, it's the Dalai Lama style. Not a vast difference, I grant you, but an important distinction. They will be left with hair.) They don't do it. I contend that they should.

Their situation is thus: they've performed miserably at the Roadblock and are in last place. Since nobody else has taken this Fast Forward, they decide to do it, which means halting the Roadblock and driving out of town to the Fast Forward site, putting them even further behind. The previous leg was non-elimination, so they have no hope that this leg will be also. (Which they admit; they certainly aren't counting on another consecutive non-elim leg when they balk at the Fast Forward.) Which means they have a choice between moving quickly into first place (or very nearly first) or losing the race right now, going home. Win without hair, or lose with hair. And they choose lose with hair. I'm not saying the hair isn't important, or even fun, to have. I'm just saying, you came to play. You do what it takes to win, to the extent that you are physically able. Sure, it's easy to rationalize why you wouldn't do it, but by that point you aren't playing the game any more.

Certainly, Nikki is tired and fatigued at this point in the race. It makes sense that she might see the value in quitting. But then she should quit, rather than resigning herself to a loss but pretending she still wants to play. I simply don't agree with that. I wouldn't walk away from the million dollar question on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? and take guaranteed money I'd already won, either. You're there to play the game; the rewards are whatever they are after you've given it all you've got. The hair is a big sacrifice, because she has long, pretty hair, and Brandon has very unique hair as well, and they both work as models. But maybe there's work available for models with buzz-cuts. It worked for Samantha Morton in Minority Report. Or wigs. Plenty of models with hair wear wigs in their photographs because the photographer is looking for some special style and it's easier to do it with a wig than a haircut. For a team that places so much faith in God's plan for them, they sure do turn their back on what looks to me like a picture-perfect opportunity for him to work in mysterious ways. They cut their hair, win a million dollars, and when they get back to the States, they get hired to do an expensive photo shoot for a new Marines recruitment brochure. Or Nikki stars in the prequel to G.I. Jane. It's God's plan. Nope, instead, they just bail. Nikki tries to make it Brandon's fault, telling the camera that Brandon makes his living from his hair, but later she implies that Brandon skipped the Fast Forward out of support for her, when she refers to him as "a great boyfriend" in their self-pitying dialogue on the way to be Philiminated. It all smacks of rationalization. Which is fine, it's their choice, but it is not good game play, and it's not smart, and I'm sorry that this is a non-elimination round and they get to stay in the race after making a decision that wrong. (Also, it irks me – although it's certainly unintentional – that Nikki flips her hair right after Phil reveals that it's a non-elim round, as if to say, "Hm! I'm not out of the race! Sure does feel good to have this hair!") Cute racers. Nice racers. But not good racers.

By the way, Miss Alli seems to have a problem with the fact that Christie has a neck pillow and uses it aboard one of the long flights in this leg of the race. What? I think she just needlessly hates C&C the same way she needlessly hated Rupert during Survivor: Panama (I say needlessly because before the point at which hating Rupert was totally right, Miss Alli had already begun needlessly hating him), so she's giving Christie – who never did anything to her – a hard time for having a neck pillow as though that's prissy or something. Actually, it sounds like it's a tool to help her get more restful sleep on the airplane, a situation in which she should plan to spend a fair amount of her time in a race in which being well rested can translate to an advantage. Good racers!

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