Thu, October 23, 2003
Crimes of the Hot
Had I published this a week ago, there would be many, many spoilers.
For those of us still glued to Survivor, (two more weeks and Eliza Dushku is going to make this a very tough decision) this week's episode is a somewhat difficult one to absorb. The show provides some insight into Jon's manipulations, but not enough to definitively peg him as a total threat or a total goof. We also see some serious strategy from Rupert, and some of it broad enough that it might attract the attention of the other contestants. (But does it? We don't know. At this point, it's hard to tell whether anyone other than Burton is really thinking hard about the game. I mean, Jon wants to look that way, but in reality I think he's concentrating more on looking strategic than being strategic.) In many ways, it feels as though we're in the lame duck period leading up to the merge, although the merge has never adhered to a pre-determined date so I don't know why the competitors seem to feel it coming. Possibly the biggest question – the one that makes it so hard to determine what kind of episode this is – relates to Drake's losing streak; is it really a downturn for them, or is it (wishful thinking on my part) a fluke?
Wise or not, we can all agree that they lost last week's immunity on purpose. I would argue that this week's reward challenge was not so much a loss for Drake as a win for Rupert. Not that Drake didn't challenge Morgan for this week's Most Directionless Yahoos award. I just think that Rupert was the deciding factor by far. His presence at Morgan boosted their confidence and his absence from Drake shook them up, while also removing a valuable team member. So now it's technically a one-game losing streak (this week's immunity), which seems more manageable. The eating challenge is not like the holding-a-rope challenge; it's much harder to control. I'm resistant to the argument that Morgan is being buoyed by finally winning something, because I just don't believe they have it in them to win on their own merits even if they do believe they can. But maybe I'm just crazy in love with Drake and it's blinding me to their flaws. If I just keep loving them as hard as I can, sooner or later they'll put down that booze and stop hitting me, right?
We can agree on one thing, though: regardless of whether all this losing means things are turning around, it definitely means a lot of losing. And losing has the effect of manifesting hostility amongst the Drakies, as well as decreasing the size of their tribe by one. One unfortunate side effect of this is that Jon continues to wear his Strategy Hat. It has Frosty the Snowman-style magic powers, because whenever he wears it he comes off as an incompetent loser in front of his tribe and a downright contemptible jackass in Survivor interviews. It's still unclear whether he's actually cooking something up, or whether he's such a dolt that he doesn't really have a strategy and so he's just posturing a lot and hoping he'll get lucky. Admittedly, the latter is far more likely, but things do seem to be working out for him. I think this dilemma makes a large contribution to my "unsettled" feeling about this week's episode. If I could just get a handle on whether Jon represents a threat, it would be a lot easier for me to know how to react to things.
More importantly, though, this means that the Survivor cast suffers a severe blow in maintaining its Aggregate Hotness Quotient. Being cute is not a good reason to keep someone around but, as Lil can tell you, it's a perfectly good reason to keep someone around if things are even passably equal between two people who might be up for elimination. And I'd argue that between Jon and Michelle, it makes a lot more sense to get rid of him. Michelle may have voted for your friend, but she's all alone now so she doesn't exactly present a threat. In fact, she might be an asset because she's scared of the bigger alliance and would probably do anything they say in order to seem friendly. Plus, she's quite a little runner, as we saw in the reward challenge, and she's rather adorable. Did you see her in the firelight of Tribal Council? Her skin looks amazing! In my view, most of each day on the island is spent hanging around anyway, so being cute to look at does have some value. (Besides, she has a good sense of humor; I think she'd be fun to hang out with. And there's no denying she's more competitive in the challenges than Jon.) But eliminate her they did, and that leaves only Darrah for our cutie girly ogling.
And ogling is an apt description this week, because while the entire Morgan team wins a shower, it's only Darrah whom we see using it. And see some more. And some more. And then a little more. Oh, it's all very tastefully done, of course. Much like Neve Campbell's nudity in Wild Things, when her contract had that you're-on-Party of Five-so-as-long-as- Denise-Richards-shows-hers- you-don't-have-to-show-yours clause. But even shot from the back and carefully obscured, there's no denying that Darrah's fun to look at naked. The producers know it – they repeat the same shot over and over again, but it's also a shot where she's not talking, so the absence of her grating accent is about as welcome as the presence of her soapy nakedness. (She'll soon be the only one left, so they're pulling out the stops to sell her as worthy eye candy.) Even Darrah knows it; she gives credit in an interview to the men of Morgan for not staring at her while she bathed. (She's not counting the cameramen, who clearly stared nice and long.) This is just her excuse to bring up how attractive she is, because she can't honestly think there was any chance that they would just stand around watching her. Sure they would've wanted to. I wanted to. But they also know that you can't just do things like that. ("It's like the sun, George. You take a quick glance and then look away.") Unless maybe the reason she expected them to be peeking is that she was watching them! Did she and Tijuana check out Osten's "Little Quitter" while he was making with the loofah? Tsk, tsk!
Rupert, in strategy mode himself, consoles a puking Michelle as she talks about why she should stay. (No wonder she's such a champion at eating icky things – if she's just going to purge anyway, it's temporary. Makes for a slender figure!) It later becomes painfully obvious that Rupert was just humoring her, because the vote against her is unanimous. I'm guessing he just figures that she won't be in the jury, so he doesn't have to play nice. (With Twisty McTwisterson at the helm this season, Rupert shouldn't be so confident. The jury could be made up of everyone; or only the pre-merge losers; or rabid badgers with magic markers.) Rupert also spends his time with the Morgan tribe doing some pre-merge politicking, although he would probably just describe it as doing his best to help his adopted team because of the Honor of Competition. A side of him which, I admit, is beginning to grate on me. Besides, it's laid bare when Andrew comes a-looting and Rupert invites him into Rupert's Troubled Teens Soup Kitchen, managing to give the impression that he's doing Andrew a favor rather than complying with the game's requirements. (When Rupert starts talking about "controlling both tribes" it makes me shiver a little. I'll be very sad if I spend all this time loving him and he turns out to be Richard Hatch in a fake beard.) It's hard to say whether Andrew actually buys this, but he appears to at least go along with it. He's no idiot. Before long, he'll be merging with these people and it makes sense to try to be the last one they eliminate. (Oh please, Osten, be first!)
Of course, this is just preamble to the World Series of Coy Spinmongering: Tribal Council. Once again, the Drake tribe plays hard to get with Probst's questions at TribCon. They get defensive about their losing streak, so they decide to reveal that they lost last week's immunity on purpose, but they still hold their cards close to their chest. I'm not a big fan of Probst (anyone who manages to pronounce conch "Contch" makes me suspicious). I think of him as Survivor mascot while he thinks of himself as Survivor patriarch. I don't think he has any right to expect the contestants to be honest with him, or to answer his questions the way he wants; he's just the narrator, moving the game along. But I also don't see why the competitors seem so excited to lie to him about simple things. He's not going to send them to their room if he doesn't like the way they're playing. I guess the rationale on keeping mum about throwing the challenge was that the non-Burton alliance didn't want Burton to know that they also threw the challenge, because he might realize he was vulnerable if they were planning. But, guys, you're already here. The votes are locked in. What can he do now?
The spin control is worth it in one sense: Jon the moron puppetmaster continues to look like a complete dope. Probst's hatred for him has at this point manifested itself as a second host on the show. While Probst quietly works the blender at the immunity challenge, the Hate-bot goes after Jon for his ridiculous "Jonny Fairplay" gesture. (By the way, did I call that in last week's comments? Two for two!) I'm surprised Jon isn't criticized for his psyche-out gagging, which hardly seems in keeping with his Fairplay lineage. But the Hate-bot is right there at Tribal Council, and Jon is in rare form. Even Rupert is rolling his eyes. (More accurately, a transparently edited shot of Rupert rolling his eyes is rolling its eyes.) In fact, Jon may become the first person eliminated by his team on the basis of things he says at TribCon, which would be hilarious except that it would only increase the caginess in the future. I guess what concerns me is that they should know Probst doesn't have any power. So, either they're being children and just assuming that any authority figure can't be trusted, or they're being coy to keep things from each other. It's a bad sign for the team if they have to be so deceptive in this situation. A healthy team would have their story straight and just enjoy TribCon for the picnic that it is. It's the one time each week that nobody has to think about their voting, because it's already been decided.
All the previews indicate that Drake will begin to detect Rupert's increasingly obvious strategy, posturing by the editors which should mean that Rupert is safe from elimination next week. I certainly hope they can at least put their heads together and smack Morgan down in both challenges next week, just to shut Probst up. I adore the Hate-bot, but Probst gets on my nerves. The way he asks, "You wanna know what you're playing for?" at each reward challenge reminds me of Drunk Girl, portrayed on Saturday Night Live by Jeff Richards. "You wanna know what your problem is?... You wannnnnnaknowwhatis?... Yuuuuuwwwwwennnnnuuyis??" Bah! I have to go watch Michelle on Letterman.
© onebee · all rights reserved