Sat, August 23, 2003

Here we go with more micro-rants on things that I have an opinion about, but don't have so much of an opinion that it can fill a whole column. (If that recap doesn't adequately introduce the concept, feel free to brush up with yesterday's column. For your convenience, I've placed a link to it in the left column of this page. Never let it be said that I don't respect my audience. Now bow before me and suckle at the teat of my wisdom, you undeserving swine!)

The Al Franken Lawsuit

This really shouldn't come right after my rant on the California recall, because it's so similar. Here, instead of the Republican party going after Democrats and being ridiculous about it, Fox News, the lap dog of the Republican party or at least the Bush administration, is going after prominent, funny liberal Al Franken and being positively obtuse about it. In case you haven't heard about it, Al Franken has a new book out, a sort of follow-up to his hilarious, well researched book Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot. This one is called Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them with the subtitle "A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right." Fox News is suing him because they use "Fair and Balanced" as a sort of motto, although "We report. You decide." is more their slogan. I guess they just use "Fair and Balanced" a lot, but they do, because Franken is referring to it when he uses it, and people get the joke, so the association must be pretty clear. What's also pretty clear is how heavily right-slanted Fox News is and how preposterous their use of "Fair and Balanced" is, which is why it's a funny joke for Franken to use it and why it's ridiculous for them to sue him for "tarnishing" the phrase. They've been a-tarnishin' for years now. Besides, satire is protected and with a title like Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, you'd have to be pretty stupid not to see that it's satire. I mean, like Fox News stupid. Can't wait to read the book, though.

Bennifermania

I didn't come up with the term. I read it in "Entertainment Weekly", and I'm pretty sure they didn't come up with it either. I like these kids. As you may know, I liked Gigli okay. Which, in your opinion, probably discredits anything further I have to say on the subject. But you didn't see it, so how dare you? Anyway, I think they're a cute couple and while they have their problems, we all do, that's no reason to dissect them under the microscope. I think the undue attention has been bad for the relationship and certainly bad for the movie. So while, individually, I'd give them each higher ratings, the phenomenon itself deserves less.

Blaster Worm

This is an email worm virus that has taken advantage of the most recently uncovered gaping security hole in Microsoft software and is plaguing computer networks everywhere. As usual, being on a Mac, I'm almost completely unaffected. (There's a whole story about how our venerable Department of Homeland Security contracted with Microsoft for a $90 million deal in which Microsoft is the software provider for DHS, and then this security bug came out, like, the next week, and DHS has been begging Windows users to download the patch ever since, but I digress.) The virus is entirely in response to the fact that not only are Windows users using bad software, they're too apathetic or uninformed to patch it when a problem is discovered, so the whole worm could have been prevented if everyone had just installed a patch which has been available on microsoft.com for weeks. He he!

Blackout

The media has gone nutso. The human interest "nobody killed anybody" angle has been so overplayed, it's clear the media was just crouched on the balls of their feet waiting for it. It's so Bowling for Columbine I can hardly stand it. The media can't even report about something bad without pointing out that it could have been worse. Some days I just wish Michael Moore and John Flansburgh could rule the planet and I could just eat Skittles and sleep until noon. The blackout did give me a great idea for a reality TV show, though.

PowerMac G5

For the most part, I keep the Apple news on this site to a bare minimum, because I know my audience and they don't care. However, the G5 is pretty awesome, and I want, want, want one. Which I'll have before long, I'm just deciding when the best time to buy is since in a perfect world, I might be moving soon and it would be better to wait for after that. Well, in a perfect world, I'd be marrying Natalie Portman and Moore and Flansburgh would perform the ceremony. And Kristin Gore would be the maid of honor.

Okay, sorry, I got carried away and wandered off-topic. Anyway, the computer is very impressive. Much, much faster than its predecessor which has been overdue for replacement for a while. It'll allow me to take on all sorts of new creative projects I've been looking forward to. Plus, it's got the Goldblum seal of approval.

David Blaine

Okay, this guy is just nuts. He was sort of a little bit cool when he was doing close-up magic in the streets and putting that on TV, but for some reason he's devolved into this batshit claustrophile who insists on being stuffed into boxes for long periods of time. Now, he plans to be tucked into a lucite box and dangled over the Thames for six weeks. What a goon. Who has any interest in seeing that? And isn't there any regulation about peeing in the river? He'll be dangling up there with a water tube and a pee tube and I think the Thames River Authority should slap a fine on him for that. The only good thing about this is that it reminds me of Danger Mouse, because the closing credits always ended with a picture of the Thames that said "THAMES" over it.

Tim Burton's Remake of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

This is not a film that needs to be remade, because it was excellent – perfect, even – the first time, but good God am I for this! Yay, Tim Burton! Yay, Johnny Depp as Wonka (hopefully)!

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