Wed, July 30, 2003

"Newsweek" magazine has a feature toward the beginning of each issue called "My Turn." Each week, an essay is published by a different guest contributor who is just a regular person, not a journalist or columnist. Implicit in the name of the section is the fact that these people would otherwise be denied a voice because they are not professional writers. More often than not, it appears that they are denied that voice because they are morons. Parents talk about the frustrations of raising teenagers in a less innocent world than that of their own adolescence or baby boomers talk about their struggles to find adequate health care for their mentally ill siblings. By and large, it's the kind of fuzzy human-interest fluff and sugary soft-focus nostalgia that drives me up the wall when indulged by other "news" sources and turns me to "Newsweek" in the first place.

This week, Jamey Smith writes in from Austin, Texas, to say that air-conditioning is a technological demon that isolates us from our neighbors, squanders precious energy resources, and even – no premise is too flimsy – poisons us in our own homes. (Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children?!) Smith encourages us to throw back to simpler times when folks sipped tea on their screen porch and chatted with their neighbors. Yeah, and what's running water done for us lately, either? He laments the fact that we drive to work with our windows rolled up and spend our day in an air-conditioned office only to return home to more of the same, without ever taking a breath of fresh air. Well, for most of us, these are not the places where fresh air exists. The freeway? The office park? The apartment complex? I close my car windows so I don't suck the diesel fumes of the sputtering Mercedes in front of me; my office windows so I don't have to bake on the sunny side of the building; and my apartment windows so I'm not exposed to my downstairs neighbors' secondhand smoke. If I want fresh air, I'll stroll by the beach or take a walk in the park.

Smith also asserts that air-conditioning separates us from our fellow travelers on this Earth because, our windows sealed, we don't chat with our neighbors like we used to. It's so easy for Smith to romanticize an era in which he didn't even exist. Does he really think that people would be bellowing greetings out the living room window to any stranger who walked by? That neighbors would chit-chat between their kitchens rather than dropping by to visit in person? Hold the Internet responsible for isolating us from our neighbors, or maybe even TV. But not air-conditioning. If anything, when the A/C is on, I'm more likely to pass a few hours on the porch in the evening or take a stroll around the neighborhood, safe in the knowledge that if I feel too warm, my chilled sanctuary awaits.

He blames air-conditioning for the fact that, with his windows closed, he can no longer "experience the momentary awareness of mortality that comes with the wail of an ambulance." What?? First of all, if that's what it takes for you to be aware of your mortality, maybe it's time to turn off parental blocking on ER. But more importantly, he can't hear an ambulance drive by with his windows shut? The man has some well-insulated windows! This goes way beyond double-paned... it would take two-inch bulletproof glass to muffle an ambulance siren. I've never heard of anyone who actually welcomes noise pollution before. Maybe it's time to dust off my "Sounds of the Construction Site" CD and start shopping around for distributors again.

All of this is fine and dandy, but Smith really steps off the deep end when he asserts that air-conditioning is polluting our interiors because our poorly ventilated sealed-up homes are so busy recycling the same air that we're forced to re-breathe all our bleach fumes and Glade plug-in scents. Not only is it absurd to imply that this could stack up against the cavalcade of outdoor pollutants, but it's kind of a misrepresentation of how air-conditioning works. There is exchange with the air outside, and there are filters involved. Besides, no window provides such a perfect seal that the ventilation drops to zero. If so, why the frenzy over duct tape and plastic sheeting? We could've just flipped on the air when the dirty bombs dropped.

Besides, who said air-conditioning and fresh air had to be mutually exclusive? Here in Los Angeles it's by no means an oddity to see someone driving with the A/C on Hi and the convertible top down. The best of both worlds – now that's technology! Energy efficient it may not be, but that's not really air-conditioning's fault – we should be looking for alternative energy sources and renewable resources anyway.

Smith is a bozo and a nincompoop. If he's so fixated on conserving energy, returning to simpler times, and engaging himself with the natural world, maybe he should go live with the Amish and spare the rest of us his syrupy ruminations.

***

Your comments are welcome! Register for a free account, or use the new easy-commenting feature that requires no registration at all!

© onebee · all rights reserved