Thu, March 20, 2003

As anyone who reads this site or knows me personally is aware (I like how it sounds like either of those numbers would top out higher than five – ha!), I've been steadily building animosity toward the 24-hour cable networks for some time, accelerating rapidly around 9-11. However, now that our single-minded (if that) Commander-In-Chief has led the country into war, it becomes necessary to tune in from time to time to check the progress.

Unfortunately, it's the worst time to tune in because news (surprise!) is slow to come from the region. (Who knew the soldiers would have something else to occupy their time other than giving interviews?) So, the "pundits" and "experts" are given less information and more dead air to fill, leading to that most viable export of the 24-hour nets: rampant speculation.

If only they were less transparent about all the glee they're taking from gaining viewership based on American lives in harm's way.

Anyway, I only see about an hour of CNN a night, flipping away to other things whenever I can, but I've already begun assembling a list of the moronic things they say when they're trying to say something other than the same thing they've been repeating all night.

Last night (March 19th here, early March 20th there) Wolf Blitzer commented on television footage of Saddam Hussein by saying: "You notice he mentioned the date – it's 20 March here – which indicates that this was not prerecorded."

So, don't take Wolf Blitzer to see Minority Report because they're constantly saying "It's 2054," and he'll think it really is! Poor guy.

Tonight, it was Jamie McIntyre commenting on the low-res video cameras that CNN has attached to tanks rolling across southern Iraq. He was expounding on how revolutionary it is to have live pictures of the American military in combat and how great it must be for their families and loved ones. "I can't imagine anyone whose loved ones are in this detail not picking up the phone and telling all their friends to tune to CNN. They must be glued to their sets!"

First, nice shameless plug, you stooge. But more importantly, who wants to be watching live when Cousin Earl takes a bullet to the throat? I can't imagine anyone with a personal stake would be watching! I'm sure they're as offended as I am. They probably all feel exactly like Rod Tidwell's wife during that scene in Jerry Maguire when he's injured on the field and she's watching at home on TV. They don't want to have to see anything; let someone tell them how great it was when it's over. And the last thing the soldiers need is the idea that maybe they should be mugging for the camera while they're storming across a mine field.

Here's hoping I can collect some more gems in the days to come. If nothing else, I'm impressed that I was able to reference two separate Tom Cruise movies in a discussion of the war in Iraq and global broadcast journalism.

Well, broadcast television anyway.

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